Dance.

The year ends -- the experiment of writing about my daily doings was decent. Definitely a stabilizing force during my long weeks in South Africa. It grounded me. I didn't think too much about things (the way I'm prone to do). But now twenty-eleven comes to a final, ungraceful bow, and I am at Cowboy Country with my good friends, and we are dancing with white people with soft hands (costume cowboys) and blowing horns and hooting and hollering and saying -- no, pleading -- oh, twenty-twelve, won't you bring us something better?

I only danced once, but it was a good one. I have no evidence for you, so you can imagine it far better than it was (how all things like to be imagined and remembered).

Roast.

My ever-too-busy schedule prevented me from starting to roast the turkey until the late, late hour of 7. No matter how few hours the turkey is predicted to roast, it somehow always seems to take twice that! Also, this year, my conundrum was that I accidentally cooked it upside-down... (this is an almost understandable mistake since it was just the breast and not the whole thing).

It was cooking till past 11, and around 10:30, I started watching the movie, Waiting for Forever which totally sucked me in! I couldn't stop watching it! It wasn't that amazing of a film, but I completely fell in love with the protagonist, and felt very invested in the outcome for him. After the movie ended, I carved the turkey (hacked is a better verb for that, really) and put it away for tomorrow.

Now it's almost 1. I am going to be super-exhaust tomorrow... but a far more exciting Tuesday night than anticipated. It's kind of stupid that an exciting night is one in which I stay up to watch a movie... such is the life of a teacher!

Read.

I have been reading We Make the Way By Walking, a spoken book by Paulo Freire and Myles Horton. After a long and disheartening discussion about education and social change last night, I read Chapter 5 with renewed hope and enthuse.

These are my favorite quotations by Paulo Freire:

"I hope that many of us are learning how difficult it is to make history, and how important it is to learn that we are being made by the history we make in the social process inside of history. Fortunately, I am not naively optimistic, idealistic, but I am critically optimistic...
We are in the sight of a process. I always say that the deepened transformation in society never arrived on a second Monday morning. Never. No, the radical transformation of society is a process, really, and it comes like this."

"If we could change a society like we can change the position of the furniture of this house, it would be fantastic. It would be just a question of muscular power, no? That is, I can take this chair and put it over there> We could change everything here in ten minutes. History is not like this. It takes time in history to make history. You cannot make it today, but the change comes up in all directions and dimensions of the life of society."

"It is a time of confrontation, this transition, the time of transition of the old society to a new one that does not exist yet, but it's being created with the confrontation of ghosts. There are many ghosts in society fighting against the dream of a much more open society. Generally revolutions have this in common. We cannot decide this period cannot exist. We have to understand that it exists historically, culturally, socially. We must fight also."

"One of the fears we have here as educators is the fear of experiencing new things, of exposing ourselves to mistakes. In the last analysis we have real freedom. We are afraid of risking. And it's impossible, just impossible, to create without risking. It's absolutely impossible, but it takes time to begin to risk."

"One of the most important tasks I think for a revolutionary government or a progressive government...is to think seriously about the formation of the educators. But understanding formation not as something that we do in some weekends or some semesters, but formation as a permanent process, and formation as being an exercise, a critical understanding of what we do. This is, getting the practice we have, the experience we have, and then reflecting on the experience and the practice in order to understand theoretically what it means."

"When I talked with [President Nyerere], he used to say to me, 'Paulo, it's not easy to put into practice the things we think about.' Yes, it is not easy, but it's not impossible. This is my conviction."

Bake.

Today I baked banana bread! I am proud of myself cause I didn't let my old bananas go to waste, and also cause I innovated a bake pan (annoyingly, a lot of things went missing in the move), and also cause I innovated an oven light (e.g. Flashlight) so I could take this picture! I am amazing!

Watch.

Today PY and I went to the zoo, and used our zoo passes for the first time since we purchased them in August. We were looking for coffee, and in the meanwhile, spent lots of time watching monkeys, bears, koalas, and gorillas just do their thang in their little exhibits. I think we watched the gorillas for the longest, because they were being very active. All of the animals were being especially active, as though they knew it was Saturday and everyone wanted to come to their show.

Show.

I rarely show films in class, but as my teaching partner is going to be away for three days this week, I am taking liberties, and also advantage of the fact. In retrospect, The Great Debaters is the perfect hook to our debate project and I am not only rested, I am ingenious. Too far? Maybe. Whatever the case, it was delightful watching this with my classes today. They are wildly empathetic, and got wicked into everything. I love them so much. They are fabulous people.

Remember.

The month of October went by quickly. I do not know if I can remember all of the verbs that this month contained, but I certainly feel that my living-to-reflecting ratio is disproportionately tipped towards living. I could stand some downtime for just reflecting and remembering.

Instruct: This month began with a long Saturday of debate instruction that my little sister and I put together for students in South Bay. We hosted 25 students for our "Saturday debate day," of which 20 came from different schools.

Listen: I managed to finish my Seasons' mix for the craziness of my Winter slash Summer that occurred below the hemisphere in South Africa. It is amazing.

Fly: I flew to Florida -- on a horrible red-eye that meant I basically didn't sleep for two days.

Witness: I had the opportunity to attend the wedding of my dear friend, Caleb Winn. Everything was decorated and arranged beautifully, and felt like a night of fairies dancing, and of course, contained the quirkiness that I have come to expect and accept in Caleb. They walked away from their vows to the ending theme song of Empire Strikes Back.

Kayak: After a fairly involved argument regarding this verb, PY and I did spend the afternoon kayaking in the mangroves in Florida. We saw a manatee! This was exciting, and also, more difficult that I anticipated.

Golf: I went mini-golfing for the first time in I-don't-know-how-long. I beat PY the first time, and the second time, he beat me. We are both pretty terrible at it.

Exchange: There is no better verb for how Lina and I share our lives together than exchange, because every meeting is full of the stuff of accumulated treasures that we have for one another. This time, we both exchanged music and trinkets that we've picked up along the way, as well as so, very, many stories.

Prep: I have learned how to prep my college debaters to face their doom in their parli rounds, and I must say, it's very satisfying. I enjoy counseling them through new argumentation, and also, through difficult emotions. I feel like Deanna Troi a lot.

Learn: I started going to RCIA classes at St. Gregory's parish with the intention of inquiring into the Catholic faith. I have various reasons for doing so. In the process, I have enjoyed getting to know a little bit more about how different people practice their faith.

Receive: At the end of the month, I participated in the Rite of Welcome that occurs as adults enter the process of inquiring into Catholicism. This involved an elaborate ritual of blessing, and I received a crucifix from my sponsor. It was very neat, and made me giggle.

Exhibit: My students put together a massive and amazing haunted house during the month of October. They exhibited it on October 27, 2011 and they were fabulous. I wish I'd gotten better video footage!

Direct: After spending the entire day cleaning with my students, I drove up to Helix High School with my high school debate team for the novice debate tournament. I still don't think it was a good idea to agree to be vice president of SDIVSL, but directing a tournament is also something I did today. Until MIDNIGHT. Eish.

Create: I don't remember which of these past Saturdays it was -- it must have been early in the month -- but the only empty October weekend I had, I spent drawing with charcoal, painting with watercolor, and being generally whimsical with my little easel.

Read: I got into lots of different titles this month, including Pilgrim at Tinker Creek by Annie Dillard (gift from Lisa), The Mysterious Case of Queen Loana by Umberto Eco (gift from Naomi), We Make the Way By Walking by Paulo Friere & Myles Horton (a delightful stumbled-upon at the Adams Ave Bookstore), books 3-6 in The Spirit Flyer Series by John Bibee (a holla-back to my days of youth). I am feeling a little schizophrenic with my reading these days, but it's all good.

Teach: A typical verb, but this month not-so-typical subject matter. Many days were devoted to teaching students to scream, growl, and laugh maniacally. I laughed happily driving home, because my job is sometimes really weird and fun.

There were other verbs. So many other verbs. This verb project is only a failure in form, but not in practice. In practice, I am living so many verbs that Write seems something I always have not-enough-time to do.

Judge

I spent today with the Point Loma debate squad. When I took this photo with my Retro Cam app, it made an unexpectedly loud noise, which was pretty embarrassing.

Prep.

Debate is officially taking over my life! I got home from work, and then spent the past three hours prepping for our Saturday workshop tomorrow morning. Looking up old lectures, modifying them, creating a schedule for two levels of debaters... eish. I'm grateful for all of my people that are stepping up to help with everything.

One day, maybe debate will release me from its clutches. Until then, enjoy the student handouts for the intermediate track of debate.

Mail.

After a long, long time since I visited South Africa (and which shockingly went by in a heartbeat), I made the trek to the post office and dropped off all the letters that my students wrote for the students I worked with all summer/(winter). When my two worlds collide in this fashion, I feel slightly more myself and like I'm not bipolar, or two different people. All together, the letters weighed 11.5 ounces and they are officially "documents" as stamped by customs.

This is my favorite form of International Relationships.

Remember.

Tab.

On my way to the dentist back in June, I got a phone call from the SDIVSL president. Gregg asked me if I would be interested in being the VP for the SDIVSL this year. I was driving, and might have said, "I'll think about it," because this is definitely not something I really need for my life. However, I thought, sure. Someone needs to do it. And that someone can be me! So I said "sure" out loud and promptly forgot about it.

Now here I am on a beautiful Saturday day sitting inside classroom 74 at San Dieguito Academy in Encinitas. I have been here for the past 8 hours and have 3 or 4 more to go. Today I have been tabulating the results of the tournament for the Policy and LD kiddos, and have simultaneously been training and encouraging two teachers to take my place.

The good news is that I will not have to do this Saturday thing gain. The other good news is that the tab looks good for HTHCV!

Coach.

Shake (hands)

We are really back to school! Tonight we had our Family Orientation with the new and returning Team Vista parents and guardians. I was very overstimulated after 12 hours of being at school, and two specifically spent meeting people, talking about students, and shaking hands.

This is our Google Presentation!

Catch (up)

Live.

I am dissatisfied with all of my verbs for today. None of them, in themselves, are very good stories. I could talk about walking in the morning light to get coffee while I waited for my carpool. I could talk about walking in the moonlight so that Cheddar could sniff around and mark his territory up and down the street. I could talk about grocery shopping and how I picked up yogurt and pears. I could talk about doing the dishes, broiling a hot dog, picking up the last bit of mess from my room, and brushing my teeth.

But these are not verbs that make a good story. They just make for a decently productive Monday that I lived nonchalantly, as some days ask to be lived.

Hike.

Critique.

Decorate.

I went to bed early last night, and slept for a long time, and woke up early enough to check to see if school really was cancelled. It was. I don't think a power outage could have come at a better time for me, personally. I know that it was a big deal or whatever, but honestly, it seemed like everyone was blowing it way out of proportion. This happens in South Africa constantly.

I am not complaining, though. I spent the day watching TV and putting my room together. I took down the closet doors, selected fabric to serve as a curtain, sent 100 new photographs to Walgreens to be printed, framed new photos, hung them carefully, installed a curtain wire, hung up my curtain, hung up a mirror over my "vanity" table, hung up my little painted bird canvases around the mirror, and unpacked the last of the boxes. It makes me feel really productive, and happy. My wall is now covered with the places I've been.

At last, after all this, I have brought my computer to Le Stats and am attempting the long process of remembering. I had to laugh about the Saturday before last, when I could think of a dozen verbs to describe the day. Lina was right: I looked back on it all and didn't feel so bad for all the times I fell apart.

Embrace.

Share.

Purchase.

Celebrate.

Chat.

Unpack.

Listen.

Introduce.

Unpack.

When I get home from work, the only thing I want to do is unpack the craziness that is my life. Boxes are fretfully piled up in my room. I usually have nightmares that are my current reality. That I am not insane is a miracle.

Memorize.

Today marked the beginning of a new school year. I habitually work to memorize every single name on the very first day of school. I have 53 new students, and already, I like them. I couldn't help but feel that I needed this. I needed students who actually gave me energy, rather than drained it constantly.

Attend.

Lisa got married today! And I was a witness, and a Pippa. We got our make-up done, and took lots of pictures, and I got to give a blessing, and sign the marriage certificate, and in general, just be there looking pretty like a flower in my light green dress. I will miss her, but I am so happy for her, too.

Rehearse.

At 10AM this morning, we were scheduled to rehearse for Lisa's wedding tomorrow. There was a bitter conflict between two wedding parties, but it all worked out (ish) and we were able to make sure everything fit and work out the little details.

Laugh.

Tonight Anna hosted Lisa's bachelorette party at her house in Carlsbad. We all went out to eat at an Italian restaurant in the neighborhood, and then came back to the house for games, gifts, dessert, and the hot tub.

It was a perfectly Lisa-appropriate evening, and we laughed together as we played M.A.S.H. with Lisa for the last (and first) time ever. We all had a good time laughing at old stories and memories from Lisa & Lex's relationship, and our friendships with Lisa.

Talk.

Tonight Ted and I made arrangements to get together and talk about our year. It seems odd that we've been back to work for a week and a day and we haven't had time to do this yet, but we haven't. I initially was stressed about this conversation, but afterwards, I felt much better. I am very grateful for Ted in my life for the past 4 years.

Orient.

I met my new students today, during Freshman orientation. This is always a strange day, where there is nothing exactly planned, and nothing you can say that is life-alteringly important, since all the students aren't there yet. I gave them the materials list, and encouraged them not to be worried and anxious, and took them outside to look out over the vista and think about their hopes for the year. I felt serene, which was unexpected.

Plan.

After a week of what seems like only meetings, today I left the Historical Society and went to a coffee shopped and make excel sheets and schedules. I feel better, but only slightly. I can't believe the year is about to begin again.

Assemble.

All Staff Day at HTHCV and HTe. It is good and odd to see the HTH family. I am feeling triggered by everything I'm philosophizing about, and how to feel as strongly about things as I do, without coming across as judgmental. But sometimes, lately, I can't help but feel: what's the point?

Find.

Jason and I drove out to Normal Heights today and looked at Paul's old place. This seems to aligned to be false, and with Jason's last day in his Santee place rapidly approaching, it seems not just like the right option, but the only option. I'm happy to find my new home.

Watch.

Caitlin & I watched lots of Degrassi today. I will miss living with her. We always mean to be better about getting together, and intentions fall into merely that. I have valued this time living with my parents and sister, anyway.

Paint.

I went out with Jaymie tonight, and led her through the same painting technique that Patrick led us through during Staff Retreat. She loved it. We are both older now, and being friends isn't as young and ideal as it once was when we were flying kites along the streets of Spring Valley, but our friendship is older and wiser and more like aged wine, and that's fine, too.

Struggle.

It's not easy to be back here, amongst these old faces, that each trigger the memory of something so painful I don't even want to think about it. Today Patrick led us in a painting exercise, and I felt so many raw emotions pulse through my veins, and I struggled. I struggled to be here, to live this, and. Yeah.

Reconnect.

The staff retreat begins! This signifies the first day back to a new schoolyear for HTHCV. We meet in a retreat house somewhere not too far off, and we reconnect, or try to. It's good to see Ted, especially, and I feel a little like a wrinkle in time.

Read.

I finished reading Spud today, while lying by the pool in the morning. Thanks, Nadine! I did laugh, and I felt the love at every post-it.

Relax.

Today Patrick and I drove to Palm Springs and we went in the pool, played games with my family, and generally did not exert too much energy in the hot Palm Springs air. A good day full of many trips to the pool. My singular summer moment. Hard to believe two weeks ago it was winter...

Shower.

Search.

Arrive.

Travel.

Leave.

Celebrate.

Tour.

Shop.

Sleep.

Sample.

Be.

My time here is ending, and I honestly didn't expect to love being here as much as I do. I came here with so much grief, and I didn't really know how to be. I struggled to interact with the students -- to form new connections that felt dangerous, because of the loss inherent in love.

Today I took the students to Dainfern, passed out a quiz on our project in FNH and directed FPM (somewhat) to complete their typing for their business plans. Afterwards, the students more-or-less did their Women's Day preparations, and I took photographs of FNH for their future Team Vistan pen pals. That's when Khanyisile and Glorymore started dancing, and Gugulethu told me to take a picture of them, and that's when they all started jumping in the pictures, laughing, being totally silly, and I kept snapping photographs and laughing, too.

Soon it was time for them to go to the bus, and time for me to head back to Linbro Park. I felt happy and sad simultaneously. The days go by so quickly. I don't know how I'll come home, or how my heart can just keep growing to contain more and more people, more and more hearts. I am excited to meet my new students (as are the students at LEAP 4 excited to meet them) and to introduce them (via letter & photograph) to these fantastic young people that I've been privileged to be around in Diepsloot.

Format.

In addition to teaching, etc. while I am here in South Africa, I also came with the goal of finishing this book that I've been working for-freaking-EVER (3 years). After coffee and a chat with Nadine, I stayed at Caffe Frappe and forced myself to just sit down and finish some vignettes that I knew had a place. Then I formatted it so that I will be able to complete a read-through and see what else I want to do with it before I declare it draft 1 finished and send it off to my critical readers. I like how it looks with chapter headings and what-what.

Sip.

I guess today it occurred to me that I am going to be leaving in a week. I came home tonight after work and just felt aimless. I made myself a cup of Milo so I could sip something hot and then sat outside on the porch step, watching as the night fell on one of my last days in South Africa. Tonight I looked at pictures of my Team Vistans, and remembered how much I have to come home to, but it's still hard to think about leaving.

(p.s. In addition to sipping my Milo, I also had three cups of coffee today...:)

Visit.

Today was adventurous, and it turns out that I am extremely lucky (or as Nana would say, "blessed").

I woke up this morning and bumbled into the car to drive to work. My commute to Diepsloot is about 50 minutes every morning, and so it begins very early. I noticed as I was pulling out onto the road that my alignment was off. I shrugged it off, thinking we'd just messed something up on those back-country roads to Drakensberg.

I waited at the usual stoplights on London Road, and that's when a pedestrian signalled to me something I should have already realized: I had a flat tire.

I turned around and prayed that I'd make it back to LEAP 3 where I could get some help, and not just be a stranded young white girl on the side of the road. Mike and Obed helped me get the tire changed, and then I drove down to the nearest Engen station to get it patched. The whole ordeal took about 4 hours and $10. I spent the rest of the day feeling grateful that it gone as well as it could have gone, considering.

But this is a side note to my verb of the day, which is Visit. Today I had the privilege of visiting Khanyisile and her father, and Lesego and her cousin, sister, brother and mom. I loved getting to chat with both of them, and meet their families. I feel like I am getting to know some students really well, and in many ways, it just feels like I live here, too.

Hike.

On the recommendation of Nadine, we hiked up to the top of the Drakensberg mountains to overlook the Ampitheatre. The views were spectacular the entire way. The hike itself was long and arduous, especially because of the snowfall from earlier this week. I appreciated the "hiking mindset" that I developed as I concentrated on each step. We snaked along the sides of the mountains, along paths made narrow and slippery from the snow. We ascended the "dodgy chain ladders" to the top of the mountains, and then walked the distance in knee-deep snow. We were cold, and wet, and tired, and the day faded quickly. It was worth it. We made it back to the car just as the sun set behind the mountains, and then Mike and I shared the long drive home.

Explore.

I drove the entire way out to Drakensberg today, and it was the brownest, driest road I've ever seen. We arrived at the Royal Natal National Park, and a man at the visitors' centre recommended that we hike the Cascades (it was already quite late in the day).

The rest of the afternoon was spent marveling at the beauty of South Africa. "Eish!" I would say happily, whenever I would turn the corner and see the smoke from campsites filtering through the pines, or the water that cascaded over stones, or the vast horizon of hills, or the majesty of the mountains as they changed from brown to gold in the light of the setting sun.

Everything made me stop and smile. It felt good to be surrounded by beauty today.

Describe.

I considered for a long time what to write about today. I did many things, but none of them seemed especially worthy of discussion or documentation. I think it is because as this week wraps up, I find myself in a world that has become completely normal.

This morning, I commuted with Josephine to work on mini-bus taxis. I marveled at the morning light, as I do most every morning when I drive to work because it is always just before dawn and everything comes alive as the sun rises.
We nearly froze to death, because another cold front has hit Gauteng, and it's fuh-reezing.
Nadine and I walked to Shoprite and she purchased a large...what does she call them? slop-chip, or something. It's just a big mess of fries with salt and vinegar and it is my new favorite thing.
We walked with the students to the Diepsloot mall and meandered about in the small science exposition.
Later, I got a ride to Dainfern and helped the students begin their business plans. They worked amazingly hard for a late Friday afternoon, and I have perhaps never seen a Friday afternoon class so focused on the task at hand.
I rode with the students back to LEAP 3, as today marks the end of my homestays. I shared a blanket with Karabo and Zinhle.
I went to the market (grocery store) with M & Kr and we picked up food stuff for our weekend trip. I also purchased snacks on behalf of the girls staying at LEAP 3, and this was an adventure not unlike Supermarket Sweep ("top deck? what's a top deck?").
In the evening, M & Kr and I packed our things, and relaxed a bit, and that's the day.

It's a lot. But you see, today I think is the day that merely represents that my life here is another life entirely. It's normal. The names, the faces, the personalities, the routines. What can I say about what I have done? I have done so much, and yet, it seems like nothing. That's all I can say to describe.

Commute.

I woke up early this morning to commute to school with Josephine. As Josephine is fairly new to the area, she opted to leave her car in Cape Town and use the mini-bus taxis to get to work each day.

For me, taking the mini-bus taxis was an adventure. We woke up so early, and the city still stood quietly in the dark, and then we caught our taxis. The sounds and feeling of all of this were so unfamiliar to me, and I loved this new experience.

I also loved the way the city looked with the sun just on the horizon of the day. Eish.

We left the house today at 10 till 6, and returned at half past 8. Long, long, long day.

Read.

I have been reading, Leadership: The Care and Growth Model during the past week and a half that I have been with LEAP 4. This is a book about running a successful and healthy business that LEAP is using as a focus for their school.

Overall, the book is a dry read (no offense to the author -- but there are far too many examples that explain the same thing!), but I am finding little nuggets that help me understand my own philosophies about educational practices.

Today, I appreciated Chapter 12, "Holding People Accountable." Here is a relevant quote:

"...[F]ar from being a virtue, a results focus is probably the most pernicious vice one can cultivate in an organization.... [F]ocusing a person's attention on results is focusing the person on something he or she cannot do anything about. By definition, results are something which one gets. However, one only has power over what one gives or contributes. This means that if your attention is on what you are getting you are paying attention to that which you have no power over. To focus a manager's attention on results is to fundamentally disable him."

Education is a very results-oriented sector, and we commonly look to test results, expecting them to indicate how well teachers performed. Yes, test scores may tell us something about a teacher's ability to teach, but they also may be information about the child's home life, what they ate (or didn't eat) for breakfast that morning, or how much money their parents make.

Results do not always tell us what we want them to tell us. Ultimately, this chapter insists that organizations must analyze what each person has contributed, and not just the results. To do anything else would unfairly hold people accountable for that which they cannot control.

Enjoy.

Today was my last night staying with Nadine & Chase, and so we celebrated by going to Cape Town Fish Market and eating half-priced sushi from a conveyor belt, which was beyond cool (and so tasty).

On the teacher-y side of things, today the students presented the social businesses that they researched last week, and now we will get to move forward into their own original ideas. I am excited to hear what they come up with! In English, all of the students read this blog, and I got lots of comments from them. I have so enjoyed getting to know them and work with them in the past two weeks!

Attend.

We were invited to attend a talk at Witswatersand University this afternoon, about astronomy and being alive. The talk was entitled, “You’ve got to know where to scratch.” I had a really good time walking around the campus with the LEAP 4 students and gawking over everything and wishing I were in college again. The talk was good – I was struck by his discussion of how change is the only constant, and that our lives are what we do when we submit to the chaos and challenge ourselves to make the most of it. I thought Lesego said it best when she said, “We must use failure as a fertilizer,” and never give up. For whatever reason, I supremely enjoyed today, and was very glad to accompany the students to the university and to the talk.

Pet.

I began my homestay with Nadine today, and she has a mission to make absolutely certain that I experience South African things! It is very exciting for me. Already, I have had biltong, Nik Naks, poikkie, milo, Steers, and white Kit Kats (all of which were fabulously delicious).

This afternoon, Chase and Nadine surprised me with a trip to the Lion Park, and I actually got to go into the exhibit with the baby lions and pet lion cubs. It was basically amazing. I thought lion cubs were cute before, and now I am forever in love. At the Lion Park, we also got to drive through the enclosures, like on our own mini-safari and I took a billion pictures of everything.

Share.

Today was a long, full day. We began with a quick drive to Diepsloot to help proctor examinations for potential LEAP 4 students.


Afterwards, we drove 2 hours to Cullinan, a little spot off in Pretoria east. LEAP 3 hosted a study camp for their matric students as they prepare for exams. We only stayed with them for a few hours in the afternoon, and only had a few opportunities to engage with the students.

For me, this proved to be challenging. I have struggled to engage with new students, again and again, and remember that my time here is limited. I don’t have time to just sit on the outside and observe. I must begin straight away to participate. But I am intimidated by language barriers, and also, by a sort of subconscious inclination to just stay to the side.

We had an opportunity to reflect with the students, discussing, What was I like when I came to LEAP, and how have I changed? We were instructed to find two natural items that resembled our experience. I also shared with them part of my own struggle of how I came to LEAP, and how I feel that I have changed. The natural item that I selected was a bit of dirt from the ground. This represents how I came here sort of on shifting grounds, because of the tragic circumstances of the week that I left. I didn’t know how to stand, where to place my feet, what was my foundation. The item I selected for where I am now was a stick that branched off in two directions, symbolizing the opportunity I have to choose how I will move forward from now.

After our reflections, we talked generally about the United States, and how our cultures are different. I honestly don’t know what good my sharing was. I don’t know how four or five hours with them this afternoon could have made any difference at all, but I shared openly and honestly, and so I guess that’s about as good as it gets, neh? This was a very full Saturday. I am wishing for a weekend.

Teach.

I began a project with the students today, and gave a little lecture on Muhammed Yunus and social businesses (thanks, Cady Staff!). When they introduced the Combined Studies subject to me, they told me that it's all about culture and history and society and I was so excited because that's what I teach and what I love!

Then they told me that that's what they covered last term...and this term, I was to begin with business. I was like. Mm. OK. I can do that.

But it's not very thrilling.

I remembered that Cady Staff had done her Action Research Project on a "social business project" and so I decided to start there and see if there was anything I could glean from it to start a project with the LEAP students, and it turns out to be this awesome and amazing concept of social businesses, which is not only about business, but ALSO about society (which I love!) and so now I am happy, and also am totally hooked up with resources.

So today we started the Social Business Project. I am abbreviating it, so that I can finish it while I am here, but they could continue with it for longer if they wanted to. When I look at the calendar of what we're doing in class, my time here seems to vanish in an instant.

Participate.

Dainfern tour today! This was a very exciting opportunity for the LEAP students, and I felt really privileged to be a part of it. As I mentioned, Dainfern is LEAP 4's partner school. It is a private school just a few kilometer's away -- I have been told that Dainfern is one of the wealthiest suburbs in Johannesburg, and it neighbors Diepsloot, which is one of the poorest townships.

This was a unique day for the students, because they do not usually get to interact with one another. Many of the Dainfern grade 9 students had never been inside of a township at all. The LEAP students were thrilled to get to show them their community, and their school.

It was amazing to get to see the students talk together, and nevermind the vast differences in their economic classes. I have already posted pictures of the township, and to put it in perspective, Dainfern students mainly have their own golf carts which they use to drive to one another's houses, or to school. It's that different. But today, they begun to get to know one another, and could see that whatever divides us, there is much more that makes us similar.

We toured extension 10 today. I spoke with many of the Dainfern students, too, and got to share some information that I've taken from the book that I'm reading about Diepsloot. I also got to experience bunny chow, which we all ate for lunch (it's like... 4 sandwiches in one -- kind of hard to describe). Today was exhausting, but also very inspiring and I was glad to share in it.

Begin.

I think I already mentioned this, but my role at LEAP 4 is to fill in for the Combined Studies teacher (who is currently in the United States -- odd how that works out). Since yesterday was Mandela Day, today was the first that I was to teach.

I had to wake up wicked early to get to Diepsloot by 7:30, and despite my best efforts, did not make it until 7:35. It turned out OK, and tomorrow I will leave earlier. I introduced myself as a teacher, and then we got started by just thinking through their tour with Dainfern students tomorrow.

Dainfern is their partner school. In the afternoons, the students from LEAP 4 bus over to Dainfern and are able to use their computer and science labs.

Today was not without the natural awkwardness of finding myself teaching in someone else's school, and trying to do my best with that. I know that forging relationships take time, so I'm trying to be OK with the part where we're still just learning one another and figuring all of this out.

Play.

Today is Mandela's 93rd birthday! People all around the country celebrate his birthday by giving back to the community. For 67 years, Mandela fought in the apartheid struggle, and so today, each South African is challenged to give 67 minutes in honor of his life. At LEAP 4, we celebrated his birthday by going to Smile Kids pre-school and playing with the kids there.

We sang songs, and the LEAP students taught lessons on numbers and the alphabet, and we painted beautiful pictures on the walls of their pre-school. I had so much fun. I spent a lot of time playing hand games with the little ones (the girl pictured in the top left... we seriously played the same hand game for at least 30 minutes) and then giving them piggy back rides. The little one in the upper-right, she couldn't be more than two-years-old, we played together taking pictures on my iPhone for a while. A lot of the kids, when they saw I had this phone, were more than eager to pose for cute pictures.

At the end of the day, I felt tired and happy. I got to play with kids all day, and get to know some of the LEAP 4 students even better. Tomorrow starts the first official day back from the holiday break, and I will be working with each of the teachers to do the Combined Studies course, and that begins at 7:30 sharp.

Shop.

Today we went to the African Craft Market in Rosebank and I shopped for over an hour. It was a lot of fun just browsing the booths, chatting with the merchants, and thinking about everyone I love and what they would love to receive.

I would post evidence of this, but that would totally spoil the surprise... :)

Culminate.

I enjoyed today immensely.

It began this morning (as many days do), and the students at LEAP 3 had the opportunity to showcase the work that they had completed during the past week of activities and workshops. [Check out this video of one of the poems performed.] I felt so different at the end of the week, looking out across the "sea" of faces. Now, they have names. Now, they have stories. I was proud to know the students of LEAP 3 in some kind of intimate way, even if it was just a little line I know about their grandfather, who fought in the apartheid struggle, or about an uncle who went to America to become a director, or a part of the stomach that her family doesn't eat because it would make you go crazy.

I smiled to know them now.

This week culminated my official time at LEAP 3, as well. Next week, I will be fully positioned at LEAP 4 in Diepsloot. The kids at LEAP 3 were bummed, and I didn't realize it until today, but so am I, even as I am excited to work with the LEAP 4 students.



In the afternoon, we went to Greenstone and watched Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2! I cried twice. It was so intense. I love those movies. I wish that we'd gotten to see it on Wednesday when it came out (it came out 2 days earlier in South Africa), but that would've been only for bragging rights. As it was, Saturday after the showcase was the perfect time to watch it. I felt like I was seizing the opportunity afforded by Saturday.

After the movie, we speed-shopped like on Supermarket Sweep, then we got lattes at a cafe in the mall, and then I bought five CDs to accompany my journey to Diepsloot all this week!

Oh, yeah, and we also culminated our time with Wendy at Moyo, with an intimate program reflection in the cozy outdoor space with blankets & drinks. We will miss her so much! It's hard to imagine Joburg without her. Wendy made us get our faces painted. :)

Encourage.

The afternoon at LEAP 4 was a little chaotic today as students scrambled to finish their puppet shows that they were working on with Mike. I had only a few students that did not finish their artwork from yesterday, so I encouraged them to finish with the time they had remaining.

One of the students had a very difficult time with her drawing, and yesterday, had basically given up on it. It struck me as very interesting, because Melissa is not the type of girl you would take for insecure. She is always smiling and dancing and singing. She won the girl's individual talent show last Friday, and today was one of the members of the winning group for the group talent show. She even got on stage and did an impromptu dancing/singing number with a couple of boys [click to see a video of this delightful, spontaneous moment].

But with her art, I could see that she struggled. Even though I don't know exactly what her friends were saying (they speak in like, 10 different languages here), it was clear that her art was becoming the brunt of many jokes and comments.

Yesterday, she'd given up. She'd taken an earlier draft from someone else, had erased the name, and claimed it as her own.

So today, I called her out. I brought to her the artwork that she'd started, and asked her if she wanted to finish it. She was embarrassed when I held up her drawing, and said she had another. Yes, I said, but you didn't draw it. I asked her if she wanted to give up, or if she wanted me to work with her and show her how to save her original piece. She took a moment, and decided to keep going.

Later, we worked together to talk about how to blend the colors, how to use the darker colors to correct her facial structure, and how to save the background (which had gotten messy). I was so proud of her for working through it, and appreciated an opportunity to intervene in someone giving up, even if it was just a drawing.

Congratulate.

The students at LEAP 4 finished their self-portraits today. I decided against continuing on with the poem, because that would have just added unnecessary stress. Sometimes teachers forget that we are the task-makers, and we get all stressed out because "there's not enough time" but in reality, there's always enough time, and usually too much to do. But I am in control of that. Anyway, I've written that "Where I'm From" poem like, three times this week, and have led almost 100 students from LEAP 3 in that activity, so it seemed an easy thing to let go.

So I pursued all of our peace, and I am super pleased with the results (and I think the students are as well). They were not extremely thrilled with using the oil pastels (many of them had never used oil pastels before), but they quickly figured out strategies, such as using tissue to blend the colors.

After they finished their art, I asked to take a picture of them. There is another class of pictures, but my camera is not working on account of the South African double A batteries that I purchased that were dead before they entered my camera. What a waste of 20 Rand.

Write.

Today was Day 3 of the holiday programme, so it looked very much like Day 1. In the morning, I worked with two new groups of students on their Where I'm From poems. Even though my Silver group was abnormally small, I took advantage of the intimate setting and had a chance to actually hear from all the students after they had finished their poems. I continue to be struck by the rhythms and sounds of their language, the depth of their histories, and the stories of their families.

The Silver group was also abnormally self-sufficient (probably just because there were fewer) and so I took the opportunity to write a new poem about where I am from. This is what I wrote:

Me?
I am from books--
books about white rabbits & getting too tall when you need to be small.
books about finding yourself amidst unfortunate circumstances, and discovering the hideousness and beauty within, about writing and wondering and most of all, imagination.
I am from summer camp love stories -- would you believe it? from the fortunate coincidence that my mom did have another name.
I am from a church hoedown, and a surprise kiss that led to a marriage that led to generations, which include me.
I am from abuse, physical and emotional, from adultery, and painful forgiveness.
I am from anxiety and depression, from striving again and again when you fail, and from fighting that is stubborn and silent.
I am from email and chat rooms, screen names and away messages, from webcams and mistakes.
I am from a weekly allowance that I used to buy birthday presents & Nutter Butters.
I am from committing to mountains before I know how large they are, from twisting my ankle, but always continuing the hike.
I am from sudden tears, "I'm not OK," and dozens of songs promising otherwise.
I am from equal parts faith and doubt, and believing in promises, because living is too hard without hope.
I am from so many other moments, from before me, and now. Moments which I can't explain to you in full, but I will always try, at least in part, to say what I have to say.

In the afternoon, the students continued their drawings and added color (with much difficulty) using the oil pastels. I hope that we will be able to continue our workshops there. There is a petrol strike here in South Africa, and many of the nearby petrol stations have gone dry. Crossing fingers!

Present.

The theme for the week at LEAP 3 is "Be You, Be Beautiful" and so many of the workshops revolve around celebrating our ability to make and create beauty within ourselves.

This morning, I had the opportunity to do a short presentation for all the students on the subject of damaged beauty. When I saw the four sub-themes for each of the days, I felt drawn to this subject, because I can relate to it. Celebrating my own beauty, physical and otherwise, is something that has challenged me since I was little.

Even though I was nervous about what would be lost in translation (even though we all speak English, it really is not the same [haha, Wendy & our heatuh]), I felt that the presentation went well. I saw a lot of understanding faces, and nodding, as I shared with them about such a difficult subject.

Today, no picture, but I am attaching my notes, which I followed pretty closely, even though I didn't use them.

Instruct.

Today was a real Monday! I got to lead workshops at both LEAP 3 and LEAP 4.

At LEAP 3, I am doing a bit of a poetry workshop, and having the students work with the "Where I'm From" poem by George Ella Lyons. I've done this poem with my students at HTHCV before, but doing it with the students here is also inspirational. I was explaining to Nomkhitha that I am endlessly excited about the different stories and details that each person can bring into the poem, the things that separate us and make us truly ourselves. I could tell she thought I was a little nuts. Her poem is the one at the end of this post.

Later with LEAP 4, I had the students begin with self-portraits. I enjoyed encouraging them to be kind to themselves and to appreciate what they could create (no comparisons, we all make art differently, and everyone is an artist). I love each of their sketches, and look forward to doing the poem with them later this week.

Long day, full of instructions, but also full of discovering new people.

Where I'm From
by Nomkhitha

I am from the womb
of an African woman
Born and bred in
the red soil of
endwana village.

I am from the
African forest
chased by wild
animals, yet
go back home
with meat.

Yes I am from
the Orange river,
I am from the
Kilimanjaro mountains
I climb with the
passion and the
memory of freedom.
I stand in the greenstone
watching the river flowing
I am from the heart
of the motherland.

I am from a respective
village, where my neighbour
is u-Aunty, where my
Aunty is uMama.
I am raised by my
Aunty, but to me
she is a mother.

Yes I am from a family
where u-Aunty is a mother,
where she is the father.
I am from the wings of
an African woman who
raised six African youth
without any help.
Yes I am from the
centre of strength,
from the hills of wisdom.

Attend.

Today I visited London Roach Church, an evangelical church about 1.5km from LEAP 3 (where I'm staying). It was more charismatic that churches I usually attend, and people happily jumped up and down and danced during the opening worship.

As we were singing, "Trading my sorrows" I realized that I hadn't been to church since Sean died. It's just circumstantial. The Sunday after he died, it was my first full day in South Africa, and the Sunday after, we traveled to Joburg, and the Sunday after that was today. I realized this because singing "Yes Lord, yes Lord, yes yes Lord," meant something different in the wake of his death. I struggled to be in a place of surrender, because I am still in such disagreement about all of this.

Some nights, especially after watching True Blood, I can't get the image of his death out of my mind. I think that saying "Yes Lord" doesn't necessarily mean that I agree with injustices or foolish mistakes (I don't know how to think about what Tom did, actually), but it means that no matter what the situation, I trust that the universe will unfold the way it needs to, the way God wants it to. That doesn't mean he wanted Sean to die the way he did, but that he can use Sean's life and death to impact the world in a positive way despite the tragedy.

This is still hard.

Church felt right. I was tempted to not go, because it was cold and I was tired, but I'm glad that I ventured out. It is a positive ritual for my existence, whatever the topic of the sermon (something, actually, I wasn't quite sure of, if you peruse my notes).

Eat.

After a failed attempt to find a faster Internet service, we drove out to Boo and Scott's house and had a braai (like, a barbecue). We visited in her lovely backyard with her chickens and kittens and dog, and then feasted on all sorts of delicacies, like some sort of special South African sausage (boerewor?), chicken kabobs, braai brikkie (sp?), lamb shoulder, fresh garden salad, mash, and varieties of vegetable dishes.

The dessert was interactive banana pastries, which you got to design yourself and then accessorize with caramel, fresh whipped cream, and frozen yogurt.

It felt good to feel welcome, and full.

Interact.

I feel like this is my favorite day of our journey so far, because today, we actually got to work with students!! I forgot how delightful it is to teach, how lovely it is to laugh, and encourage, and instruct.

This afternoon, we ventured once again to Diepsloot to meet with the Grade 9 students at LEAP 4. The students had organized a talent show, and so the first two hours or so we spent just watching each of them perform. They sang, danced, performed, rapped, and even showcased art. Every single person from LEAP 4 in attendance today had to contribute something, and after each performance, a panel of four judges said "It's a yes," or "No, sorry."

I was impressed with the judges' honesty, and especially, with performers' bravery.

Afterwards, we were promised an hour to do activities. I led them in two quick activities: team juggling and birthday line-up. They worked hard to get them right, and we processed together what went well, and what could've gone better. When they got it wrong, we laughed at the mistakes. We all tried again, and then celebrated when they got it right.

I was so encouraged by their openness, and by how welcomed we felt to just jump in and be family. It was a good day.

Tour.

Today we visited our third township in less than two weeks. Jeanette, one of the teachers at LEAP 3, said, "Now you've been to South Africa."

Our wonderful foundation tour guides led us on three separate walking tours (we were broken into three groups) and I got to tour extension 1 and 2. The students explained that the zones are very different. Zone 1 is mostly shacks, and it has no electricity. Zone 2 has a fire station, library, community center, many paved roads and sidewalks, and far more established shops (even ones that sell televisions).

We passed by a couple shebeens, with loud music and people milling about or playing pool.

We stepped over many drains, and puddles of running water. A student asked me if I thought Diepsloot was disgusting, and I told her that I didn't. The students asked me if we had shacks in America, and I told her that we didn't.

Not all of Diepsloot is shacks. There are suburbs, too, and government housing that takes ages to acquire, and you have to live in a shack first. The students explained that it is difficult, mainly, because of how many people have to use only one toilet. And that toilet doesn't have running water, either. It's just a hole in the ground. "So it stinks," a student concluded.

The students at LEAP 4 come from all over Diepsloot.

We concluded our tour just as the sun was setting over a park in extension 2. The students made sandwiches for themselves, and gave us delicious chicken pies and soda. We ate quickly, to get home before dark. They reminded me of Team Alpha, my first class of 9th graders, because for now, these forty students are the entire school. These were the first students we got to really interact with, and it reminded all of us of how much we like young people and how excited we are to work with them.

Tour.

A lot of the Teach With Africa program revolves around the deepening of our understandings of South Africa's complex history, and so they place a lot of real value on getting us out into the communities where the LEAP students live (Langa, Gugulethu, Alexandra, and Diepsloot) and also getting us into museums and other culturally important landmarks that contribute to our understanding. Today when we visited the Apartheid Museum in Joburg, and Wendy said, "We've got it. This is a part of your orientation," I think I understood even better what they want to be about.

The Apartheid Museum's brochure reads: "Apartheid is exactly where it belongs -- in a museum." I could not agree more.

The tour was long, and silent. I lost my crew after a short while, and did most of the touring on my own. There was a lot to read. A lot to take in. Reading about apartheid doesn't begin to tell you anything about the brutality of the separateness. The forced removals from townships, the Casspirs that became a daily occurrence in the townships, the dogs that they used to attack, the rallying of anger and energy and passion. You cannot just read about that.

I was most struck by the photography of Ernest Cole (1940-1990). He spent much of his life trying to document the horrors of the system of apartheid, and everywhere there was violence: in home brews, in tsotsis, in the schoolrooms (700 students with only 3 teachers?!). It was sobering, but I think it is important to remember. These are stories that must be retold.

Experience.

Our first full day in Joburg was full and exciting. This afternoon, we met up with a few LEAP students and student alumni, as well as Rebecca and Mapuleng, and took a walking tour all over the Alexandra township. We laughed and chatted, talked about poverty across our countries, and exchanged bits of cultural information here and there. We visited many of the heritage sites in Alex, like churches that held ANC meetings long ago and Nelson Mandela's one room home that he lived in while working in law offices when he first arrived here.

We also went to one of their social responsibility sites, which is a home for the elderly, and actually went inside and sang a song and danced. I think social responsibility is such a wonderful thing that they do here, and I hope that we can do something like it when I come back. It makes so much more sense to craft relationships with organizations, and have students elect for which ones they want. The way we do community service at my school is such a token gesture.

Alex felt very different from Langa. There were parts that were well-off, and parts that weren't. Many brick houses, some dirt roads, lots of fences with barbed wire or broken glass to deter people with poor intentions.

At the end of our tour, we went to Joe's Butcher and that's where the real experience began! It was outdoor grilled meat, and pap (mealies). We grilled one another on cultural differences, and explained that the United States is not a whole lot like it is in the movies (as Piladi would say, "sensualism"!).