Unpack.

When I get home from work, the only thing I want to do is unpack the craziness that is my life. Boxes are fretfully piled up in my room. I usually have nightmares that are my current reality. That I am not insane is a miracle.

Memorize.

Today marked the beginning of a new school year. I habitually work to memorize every single name on the very first day of school. I have 53 new students, and already, I like them. I couldn't help but feel that I needed this. I needed students who actually gave me energy, rather than drained it constantly.

Attend.

Lisa got married today! And I was a witness, and a Pippa. We got our make-up done, and took lots of pictures, and I got to give a blessing, and sign the marriage certificate, and in general, just be there looking pretty like a flower in my light green dress. I will miss her, but I am so happy for her, too.

Rehearse.

At 10AM this morning, we were scheduled to rehearse for Lisa's wedding tomorrow. There was a bitter conflict between two wedding parties, but it all worked out (ish) and we were able to make sure everything fit and work out the little details.

Laugh.

Tonight Anna hosted Lisa's bachelorette party at her house in Carlsbad. We all went out to eat at an Italian restaurant in the neighborhood, and then came back to the house for games, gifts, dessert, and the hot tub.

It was a perfectly Lisa-appropriate evening, and we laughed together as we played M.A.S.H. with Lisa for the last (and first) time ever. We all had a good time laughing at old stories and memories from Lisa & Lex's relationship, and our friendships with Lisa.

Talk.

Tonight Ted and I made arrangements to get together and talk about our year. It seems odd that we've been back to work for a week and a day and we haven't had time to do this yet, but we haven't. I initially was stressed about this conversation, but afterwards, I felt much better. I am very grateful for Ted in my life for the past 4 years.

Orient.

I met my new students today, during Freshman orientation. This is always a strange day, where there is nothing exactly planned, and nothing you can say that is life-alteringly important, since all the students aren't there yet. I gave them the materials list, and encouraged them not to be worried and anxious, and took them outside to look out over the vista and think about their hopes for the year. I felt serene, which was unexpected.

Plan.

After a week of what seems like only meetings, today I left the Historical Society and went to a coffee shopped and make excel sheets and schedules. I feel better, but only slightly. I can't believe the year is about to begin again.

Assemble.

All Staff Day at HTHCV and HTe. It is good and odd to see the HTH family. I am feeling triggered by everything I'm philosophizing about, and how to feel as strongly about things as I do, without coming across as judgmental. But sometimes, lately, I can't help but feel: what's the point?

Find.

Jason and I drove out to Normal Heights today and looked at Paul's old place. This seems to aligned to be false, and with Jason's last day in his Santee place rapidly approaching, it seems not just like the right option, but the only option. I'm happy to find my new home.

Watch.

Caitlin & I watched lots of Degrassi today. I will miss living with her. We always mean to be better about getting together, and intentions fall into merely that. I have valued this time living with my parents and sister, anyway.

Paint.

I went out with Jaymie tonight, and led her through the same painting technique that Patrick led us through during Staff Retreat. She loved it. We are both older now, and being friends isn't as young and ideal as it once was when we were flying kites along the streets of Spring Valley, but our friendship is older and wiser and more like aged wine, and that's fine, too.

Struggle.

It's not easy to be back here, amongst these old faces, that each trigger the memory of something so painful I don't even want to think about it. Today Patrick led us in a painting exercise, and I felt so many raw emotions pulse through my veins, and I struggled. I struggled to be here, to live this, and. Yeah.

Reconnect.

The staff retreat begins! This signifies the first day back to a new schoolyear for HTHCV. We meet in a retreat house somewhere not too far off, and we reconnect, or try to. It's good to see Ted, especially, and I feel a little like a wrinkle in time.

Read.

I finished reading Spud today, while lying by the pool in the morning. Thanks, Nadine! I did laugh, and I felt the love at every post-it.

Relax.

Today Patrick and I drove to Palm Springs and we went in the pool, played games with my family, and generally did not exert too much energy in the hot Palm Springs air. A good day full of many trips to the pool. My singular summer moment. Hard to believe two weeks ago it was winter...

Shower.

Search.

Arrive.

Travel.

Leave.

Celebrate.

Tour.

Shop.

Sleep.

Sample.

Be.

My time here is ending, and I honestly didn't expect to love being here as much as I do. I came here with so much grief, and I didn't really know how to be. I struggled to interact with the students -- to form new connections that felt dangerous, because of the loss inherent in love.

Today I took the students to Dainfern, passed out a quiz on our project in FNH and directed FPM (somewhat) to complete their typing for their business plans. Afterwards, the students more-or-less did their Women's Day preparations, and I took photographs of FNH for their future Team Vistan pen pals. That's when Khanyisile and Glorymore started dancing, and Gugulethu told me to take a picture of them, and that's when they all started jumping in the pictures, laughing, being totally silly, and I kept snapping photographs and laughing, too.

Soon it was time for them to go to the bus, and time for me to head back to Linbro Park. I felt happy and sad simultaneously. The days go by so quickly. I don't know how I'll come home, or how my heart can just keep growing to contain more and more people, more and more hearts. I am excited to meet my new students (as are the students at LEAP 4 excited to meet them) and to introduce them (via letter & photograph) to these fantastic young people that I've been privileged to be around in Diepsloot.

Format.

In addition to teaching, etc. while I am here in South Africa, I also came with the goal of finishing this book that I've been working for-freaking-EVER (3 years). After coffee and a chat with Nadine, I stayed at Caffe Frappe and forced myself to just sit down and finish some vignettes that I knew had a place. Then I formatted it so that I will be able to complete a read-through and see what else I want to do with it before I declare it draft 1 finished and send it off to my critical readers. I like how it looks with chapter headings and what-what.

Sip.

I guess today it occurred to me that I am going to be leaving in a week. I came home tonight after work and just felt aimless. I made myself a cup of Milo so I could sip something hot and then sat outside on the porch step, watching as the night fell on one of my last days in South Africa. Tonight I looked at pictures of my Team Vistans, and remembered how much I have to come home to, but it's still hard to think about leaving.

(p.s. In addition to sipping my Milo, I also had three cups of coffee today...:)

Visit.

Today was adventurous, and it turns out that I am extremely lucky (or as Nana would say, "blessed").

I woke up this morning and bumbled into the car to drive to work. My commute to Diepsloot is about 50 minutes every morning, and so it begins very early. I noticed as I was pulling out onto the road that my alignment was off. I shrugged it off, thinking we'd just messed something up on those back-country roads to Drakensberg.

I waited at the usual stoplights on London Road, and that's when a pedestrian signalled to me something I should have already realized: I had a flat tire.

I turned around and prayed that I'd make it back to LEAP 3 where I could get some help, and not just be a stranded young white girl on the side of the road. Mike and Obed helped me get the tire changed, and then I drove down to the nearest Engen station to get it patched. The whole ordeal took about 4 hours and $10. I spent the rest of the day feeling grateful that it gone as well as it could have gone, considering.

But this is a side note to my verb of the day, which is Visit. Today I had the privilege of visiting Khanyisile and her father, and Lesego and her cousin, sister, brother and mom. I loved getting to chat with both of them, and meet their families. I feel like I am getting to know some students really well, and in many ways, it just feels like I live here, too.