Recollect.

What happened to February?

This project began as a simple autobiographical experiment to remember my verbs, and to spend a little less writing time up in the clouds. It went well for January, and then gradually lost steam, until I am left with a single entry for February and hardly any memories beside.

I barely remember February.

Here are some verbs that I do remember.

Congratulate: My team of students stayed late on a Thursday and worked very, very hard to get their mini-comic pages together for their collection of stories about Learning Differences. That Thursday was full of high fives and happinesses.

Sit: Patrick took me to Shelter Island, I think it was, for Valentine's and we sat on the sand with our own miniature bonfire and ate good foods from the Linkery, and the best part was the peppermint white mocha he saved in a thermos, and everything felt very serene as the lights of San Diego reflected off the waters of the bay at night.

Drive: I took my advisory students to UCLA for college day. I drove 7-8 hours up and back from LA and got painfully stuck in traffic on the way back home.

Writhe: I got wicked sick after college day, and spent a good part of the following day writhing in a flu-induced stupor.

Explore: Patrick & I went to Angel Island and explored old barracks that looked haunted, but were just getting a little rotten.

Hike: On the one beautiful, sunny day we got to spend at Angel Island, we hiked up in the trees and grasses and trails. Sunset point, or something? I don't know. The sun was indeed setting, and it was beautiful.

Coach: We had State Quals for our debate team on February 25, I think it was, and I drove just a few students up to Encinitas and back on a Friday night that went late, late, later. I helped out with all the postings and ballots and things, and helped to coach the students and encourage them in the better ways I know how.

That's only 7 days, or so, and I barely remember the others. I know, though, that I spent very many of the February days feeling sick sick sick, and there was nothing to do except keep surviving and make it through.
So that's what I did, and I went to bed early, and cried when it hurt too bad, and somehow made it all the way to March.

Read.

I picked up a book by Henry J.M. Nouwen a while ago at my favorite used book store in San Diego. As opposed to other books that Nouwen has written, The Inner Voice of Love doesn't really have a plot or direction. You don't have to read it from start to finish. You can do that fated thing where you just let it open, and see if what is written speaks to you.

When I do the fated thing, it really does usually work.

Today I read "Come Home." It was something good to accept today.

There are two realities to which you must cling. First, God has promised that you will receive the love you have been searching for. And second, God is faithful to that promise.

So stop wandering around. Instead, come home and trust that God will bring you what you need. Your whole life you have been running about, seeking the love you desire. Now it is time to end that search. Trust that God will give you that all-fulfilling love and will give it in a human way. Before you die, God will offer you the deepest satisfaction you can desire. Just stop running and start trusting and receiving.

Home is where you are truly safe. It is where you can receive what you desire. You need human hands to hold you there so you don’t run away again. But when you come home and stay home, you will find the love that will bring rest to your heart.